|snow in switzerland|
I've had a very busy period since we moved to Montpellier. I was trying to make sure I made the most of every moment of my stay. Me and France, we have a history. A history of childhood memories of glorious summers, spent camping in the south. A history of heartbreaks, first loves, and the bittersweet times when a childhood's magic world turns into something you point at on a map. A history of falling in love all over again, making new memories and creating new magic.
It has been my dream to make this place in the world my home and to be able to speak French confidently for a long time.
Now that it has become reality, I suddenly felt a lot of pressure to make it as good as I possibly could. It has been fun, organising language exchanges and starting to build a network, trying to hack my way into French culture, trying to find a job... but also tiring and a tiny bit frightening.
That is just how it has to be and I wouldn't want to change a thing, really. But now that I got some distance I realise that I needed a break quite badly.
I have been worrying about a number of things - too many to be worried about at the same time. The worry drained me and made me much less productive than I could have been.
When I arrived home, I was surprised by how utterly at home I felt. Everything is so friendly and welcoming here. I know every corner, every tree around here... this is my territory, my homeground. The flat, still the same rooms, the same furniture... everything so cosy and warm and embracing.
And of course, the people, my family. My parents have always been utterly (sometimes riddiculously so) supportive of me and I was never in doubt that I could fall back on them if there was a need. I also did, a few times and I have always felt grateful for it.
But it seems like this time, it was just exactly what I needed at exactly the right time, and it seemed to me that I have never been so deeply moved by how blessed I am in this.
I have been rid of a very big load on my shoulders by my parent's generous offer to support me financially until I find a job - money issues have been heavy on my mind for a couple of weeks. Trev has supported me a lot for the past few months, partly because it was his delayed graduation that had made it impossible for me to take a steady job this summer, but mostly just because he's the sweetest guy in this world. But he'll be up in Scotland having to support himself and another flat next month and I'm starting to feel bad relying on him so much and had planned to be independent again by March.
Sadly, there is not much happening in my life jobwise atm and I started to feel stressed and pressured. Well, now I don't have to, anymore and I feel very grateful for that.
Talking about money is awkward, isn't it? It's weird. I don't feel like I'm poor but I'm used to living with little and want to keep it that way. I don't feel like money is something I don't want to talk to you about. This is about my lifestyle and how it works. And sometimes, well, it doesn't work so well. ^^
I just needed to get this out of my head.
I think, next week it will be time for another big post about my diet. It's been almost nine months since I went sugarfree, and there have been some other changes, too.
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