Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The productive power of letting go

Sharp title, ey? I'm really proud of that one! ;o)
Hum, well, jokes aside: If you are a seasoned reader and a cryptic post like my last one comes up you'll know that I'm having those days... Most probably, the red moon has risen, or something else as knocked me out of my usual positive and smiley self.
If you are new around here: Welcome!!! :o) - And now you know!

There are days like these, that's just a fact. I really hope writing about it doesn't dramatise it too much in your eyes. I really don't want that. I am very aware that there are people that are off much worse than me. Hell, even I was off worse than me a few months ago.
I'm doing FINE.

That doesn't change the fact that there are the days where I feel sensitive, cranky, gloomy, teary, not at all centered and not at all happy with my life and just generally out of tune with everything.
I write about it because it helps me. I write about it because I believe there is no sense in covering it up. I believe moods should not be banalised or ignored. They are part of what makes us human and they affect our lives and they are worth talking about.

I have never just hated my mood swings... I feel that even my deepest depressions have a value to me. They are experiences that made me who I am. Feeling down makes me think about everything in my life and often leads to new insights. And even though it helps just to write about it and have some sort of outlet when I feel dark, it is even more precious to write down the things that these days teach me, so here goes:

I have been feeling oddly 'off'' for a few days and suspected that it would have something to do with my period which actually proved true yesterday.
Trev tried to cheer me up. He's always so sweet. I mean, what guy plays puppet theatre with plush toys to cheer his girlfriend up? But then he made some kind of ironic joke and I knew it was a joke, but it still got to me and before I knew what happened I was crying.
So I just settled back into bed telling myself: "You are very officially completely bonkers for two days now, might as well enjoy the excuse."

And you know what? Instead of staying in bed all day feeling bad and not getting anything done, I stayed in bed a little bit, then did a tiny bit of tidying up (happily leaving the hard bits for later), then did some sketching, then read some blogs, then wrote in my diary, then colored a couple of sketches and then wrote five blogposts.
Don't know about you, but to me, compared with the past couple of days, that sounds hugely productive! It's what happens when you let go: You can actually relax and see things from a distance and see the fun in them again and start enjoying what you're doing once more. Letting go takes the weight of pressure away from my creative work (even though I don't consider myself a perfectionist, I still expect a lot of myself and I am easily frustrated) and gives me room for playful stuff that will then benefit my mojo.

I just hope I can remember this for next time... I tend to trip over that sort of thing again and again...

How is your creativity doing? If you'd like some inspiration, make sure to read my Creative Blog Hop post tonight, it's all about what's inspiring me this summer, with great featured artists!


Lisa said...

Ohh thanks for sharing... i feel like this sometimes too!

Elisa said...

I was teary this morning too.

And I trip over the same thing again and again too. I expect too much of myself.

My creativity is doing fine. Far better than anything else (like health for example, poor Ron will spend a small fortune on drugs in the next half an hour at the pharmacy) but I am finishing a lot and proceeding with some new things and I am in the mood to start christmas presents. Only 16 and a half weeks till Christmas *eek*

Hope after I am catching up greatly with my house and garden to be able to blog all the things of the last weeks. Keep thumbs because my health issues are more serious than yours.

Cindy said...

I understand what you mean about not hiding your mood swings or just how you are...depression and the dark times in a person's life helps shape the person. It's not something to be ashamed of at all.

Trev sounds sweet. :) a puppet show is a cute idea haha! :D

I do hope you feel better soon and you were productive!! 5 blog posts and all that other stuff?? Woo-wheee! Nice job, Yaga!

yaga said...

aawh, I bet everybody feels that way from time to time... it's just easier to deal with when you accept it as a normal part of life.

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