Hum, well, jokes aside: If you are a seasoned reader and a cryptic post like my last one comes up you'll know that I'm having those days... Most probably, the red moon has risen, or something else as knocked me out of my usual positive and smiley self.
If you are new around here: Welcome!!! :o) - And now you know!
There are days like these, that's just a fact. I really hope writing about it doesn't dramatise it too much in your eyes. I really don't want that. I am very aware that there are people that are off much worse than me. Hell, even I was off worse than me a few months ago.
I'm doing FINE.
That doesn't change the fact that there are the days where I feel sensitive, cranky, gloomy, teary, not at all centered and not at all happy with my life and just generally out of tune with everything.
I write about it because it helps me. I write about it because I believe there is no sense in covering it up. I believe moods should not be banalised or ignored. They are part of what makes us human and they affect our lives and they are worth talking about.
I have never just hated my mood swings... I feel that even my deepest depressions have a value to me. They are experiences that made me who I am. Feeling down makes me think about everything in my life and often leads to new insights. And even though it helps just to write about it and have some sort of outlet when I feel dark, it is even more precious to write down the things that these days teach me, so here goes:
I have been feeling oddly 'off'' for a few days and suspected that it would have something to do with my period which actually proved true yesterday.
Trev tried to cheer me up. He's always so sweet. I mean, what guy plays puppet theatre with plush toys to cheer his girlfriend up? But then he made some kind of ironic joke and I knew it was a joke, but it still got to me and before I knew what happened I was crying.
So I just settled back into bed telling myself: "You are very officially completely bonkers for two days now, might as well enjoy the excuse."
And you know what? Instead of staying in bed all day feeling bad and not getting anything done, I stayed in bed a little bit, then did a tiny bit of tidying up (happily leaving the hard bits for later), then did some sketching, then read some blogs, then wrote in my diary, then colored a couple of sketches and then wrote five blogposts.
Don't know about you, but to me, compared with the past couple of days, that sounds hugely productive! It's what happens when you let go: You can actually relax and see things from a distance and see the fun in them again and start enjoying what you're doing once more. Letting go takes the weight of pressure away from my creative work (even though I don't consider myself a perfectionist, I still expect a lot of myself and I am easily frustrated) and gives me room for playful stuff that will then benefit my mojo.
I just hope I can remember this for next time... I tend to trip over that sort of thing again and again...
How is your creativity doing? If you'd like some inspiration, make sure to read my Creative Blog Hop post tonight, it's all about what's inspiring me this summer, with great featured artists!