Tired

Sometimes, I feel just tired from all the trying. It does take energy to live different. Even if I like it, I do have standards for my life that are not common in our society, and therefore not supported by the way our environment is constructed. I do not want to buy stuff that I don't need. But this is exactly what 90% of my surroundings want me to do. Be it food, clothes, accessoires... Also, we are wired in a way that makes us feel like we need these things to be successfull, trendy, up-to-date. It isn't only ads and campaigns, the wheel turns by itself, via facebook for example, maybe even your friends. It's not malintended, but everybody is happy for you if you travel a lot, thinks that's cool, is excited for you (as good social people and friends are) if you have bought a new dress - and makes you feel just a little bit boring and empty if this is not the case.

I do not want to eat stuff that has been produced with costs on the environment, I try to avoid food that is imported from very far away, or products that have been processes to an insane amount. I try. Who could resist the occasional pizza, though? And sometimes you just need tomatoes, and no, you do not want to think about another recipe, just because there are only the ones imported from marocco. And what about that coke when you go out with your friends? Who would want to pay the same amount and then only drink water?

Do you see what I mean? Our society has a really big grinder for brains that try to wire themselves differently. And since I am not grown up on those new standards of mine (not all of them), since I really need to push myself to live by them day by day anyways... it is like swimming against a really strong stream.

Then sometimes you just collaps, want to take a breath, only for a moment - and when you reopen your eyes you have been swept back by the stream: You realise you just bought 8m of paper tablecloth and 20 cardboard plates for your unbirthday party - without a trace of guilt.
And then you sigh and start struggling again.

Picture source: http://www.borer-cartoon.ch/index.html