I don't really feel capable of writing anything senseful today. Sometimes I am really enthousiastic about all my plans and projects and interests, and on some days it just feels like a bit too much. All the things are cramming in my head but nothing really seems to get done, and I feel frustrated. I did some exercises today and it was really hard and I have the feeling like I'm not improving at all.
I am on holidays at the moment, so I really enjoy all the free time for researching things that interest me or doing all the stuff that I'm telling you about. I know that now is the best time to make changes and define a healthy and sustainable lifestyle because I do not have a big schedule nor anybody else to care for in my life but me. (Although I think I might be affecting close people with all my greeny-stuff as well).
Sometimes I'm really impatient and just wanna jump in and go and change my life to what I want it to be from now to tomorrow. Some people might be able to do that, but I know now that I don't. Changing your habits and lifestyle needs time, if you don't want to make a radical cut and leave everything you've known so far behind. I have realised that I can't. I like where I live, I like the people I know here, and I think it is illusionary and untrue to say that everything about our 'modern' world is evil. I was born into this decade, I grew up with Computers and Pizza-delivery, buying a new T-Shirt every month, cars and supermarkets where you can buy strawberrys in December. I want to stay a part of this society, because if I leave it, I will be a freak (which I am anyways ^^), but if I stay in contact with it, I can make a difference because people can see how I live a life that anybody could. Not only people that know how to build a tipi and are willing to live withouth hot showers. (Imagine! oO)
Do I sound missionary now? I think I do. You know, I am in love with a biologist who tells me that by the time we will have a family, the world will be in chaos and anarchy anyways, because nobody can stop the climate change and all that is happening because of us on earth. And somehow I do believe him. It would take immense efforts to stop everthing that is rolling towardes an ecological desaster.
But does that give me the right not to care? Do we leave the dying body of a loved one, because there's nothing to be done? Do we turn the music louder for our own amusement, whilst somebody next door has a big headache and we know that turning the volume down will not stop it?
I love the world we are living in. I feel tied to it, and the term 'mother earth' seems very right to my emotions. I want to find a way to live that suits me and her, because that feels right for me, and therefor makes me happy.
It's funny though, I thought today, that now we are putting so much effort into returning to a lifestyle that was absolutely normal and not really desirable for our grandparents. Self-sustainability seems such a high value to me now, whilst my mother when she was my age did everything to get out of the farmer's town she'd grown up in, and live a 'modern' and 'civilised' life. It is a great idea that through our connections with other countries far away and through the means of quick, cheap transport and communication we can now enjoy things that otherwise we would maybe know from big books in the library. Oranges, Couscous, Pineapple...
It just seems like we jumped into it a bit too early (I still hope for oecological solutions...), and now we are in big trouble, just because we wanted to share. Isn't that unfair?